Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
