Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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