oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
