i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
