I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
