Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
