the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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