i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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