Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
