My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't think brook has ever known best
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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