in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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