Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
