arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
