The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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