she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
