I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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