Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
