Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize