Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
