did you get engaged???
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
