and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
