New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
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