So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
