I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
