Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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