you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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