I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
