She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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