Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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