i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
