don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
