I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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