Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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