she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize