he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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