I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
