Taylor Swift is so right about you.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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