i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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