I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
