Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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