Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Pants are for mortals
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
