Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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