Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
