I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
