I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
