Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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