I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
