I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
