Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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