i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
