In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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