you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
