That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I skipped work to stalk him.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
