Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
