Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
