Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
