It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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