I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
