My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
