Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he shaved USA in his pubs
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
