So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize