wake up i wanna do it froggy style
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
