Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
