Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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