Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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