We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
