All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
